If girls ruled the internet...

7/31/2008 | 3:15 AM | Evolved Rationalist

PINK!!
Ponies!!
Puppies!!
ZAC EFRON!! <----CUTE, AMIRITE? Those totally cute boys (awwwww) at this site know us girls so well, like, the way we do our hair and makeup and nails and how we adore pink and puppies and ponies!!

Boys know that us girls never grow up mentally out of our 8-year-old stage. They know what would happen to, like, that Digg place, where they now talk about really serious business that us girls don't care about because it hurts our brains and we want to just paint our nails PINK.

Digg would be like this when us girls rule the internet, just with more PINK, and more photos of puppies!

Yes, we need two sections on Zac Efron, because all girls know that Zac is like, oh so cute, and, like, if we want to know any of that serious stuff we could always, like, ask a boy.

Hehehe...puppies and ponies!! PINK!!

We also need to look all pretty so that a cute boy would, like, notice us and fall in love with us and look after us while we look after his home.

Girls, I cried when I finally found out...after a few hours of clicking...that the above video is NOT A REAL video! ~~BAWWWWWWWW~~ *sobs, hugs kitty*

We need booooiiiiissssss!! Cute ones, even if they are slightly older, like, Tom Cruise! See how cute Tom Cruise is:

Pwned, Scilons. If you thought that your pathetic website is any match for a bunch of hackers on steroids FIRIN' THEIR LAAAZERS at it, you have obviously not done your research. Oh, the lulz you people provide!

I don't know why I can't get, like, those CUTE photos of him up here without the help of a boy!

But, but, I know why their website didn't work, like, duh! It wasn't PINK enough, so it went down. See the power of PINK?

I should make my blog PINK because PINK is the one true weakness of the Internet Hate Machine. PINK defeats hackers on steroids, like, every single time! Puppies are cute too.

Boys also know that us girls hate their College Humor site because they use it to laugh at us and at our love of PINK, ponies, makeup, cute boys and puppies.

~~Now, wait a minute. If collegehumor.com doesn't exist, why the fuck would it throw a 404, you idiot?~~

Server not found =/= HTTP 404.

This guy was apparently too busy laughing at girls to notice his own ignorance. Even so...Internet Explorer?! Are you fucking kidding me? I am burying your article on Digg because not only does it annoy the shit out of me, I also judge you when you use Internet Fucking Explorer; and even then fail miserably at it. You personify epic failure.

Must...unsee...internet...travesty...of...epic...proportions...

Of course us girls looooove Internet Explorer although it isn't PINK enough because it is the only thingy to look at the internet, amirite?

Now that I think of it, why would us girls need the internet anyway? Sure, we would want to make our Myspace pages as PINK as possible, but we like looking after the home more. We would make cute boys happy, and that is what all of us truly and actually want! Cute boys would like me if I quit playing Portal (the cake is delicious and moist, folks) and Half-Life and instead got on Neopets; and instead of laughing at /b/ posts, make them sandwiches in the kitchen. I should listen to boys when they tell me something like this:

No, girls won't rule the internet, because...we won't need the internet when we are making ourselves look nice and pretty for the boys, looking after them and the home. Girls, start young. Learn from the video below, and learn well.