Flying, farting, hysterical angels

8/04/2008 | 8:23 PM | Evolved Rationalist

I really don't know how these kooks find me, but they always do. From yet another fucktarded e-mail:

those fluttreing's within me deep within they come from angels

This lunatic is actually claiming that he feels some 'fluttering' inside him that comes from 'angels'.

My advice to him: Hey moron, I think you need to make a trip to the toilet as I believe that the fluttering inside you comes from excessive gas. You are full of hot air.

we are in the age of lighting .... so...angels communicate

He thinks that the improvements in lighting technology pleases the 'angels', who communicate more fervently with humans, especially the lunatics. Or perhaps this was a spelling error, in which he actually means 'lightning'. Hmm....this sentence doesn't make sense either.

I noted previously that the kooks who e-mail me show a complete disregard for simple grammatical and spelling rules. I'm not a grammar Nazi, but these e-mails are seriously pushing it.

My advice to him: Angels find it easier to communicate nowadays because lights are getting better? Angels seemed to have had a much easier time communicating with humans in the stories found in Bible. Did they have far more advanced lighting then?

these angels tap out therapy to us. benefits us highly when science finds angels to medicate. therapy of angels can be used.

This was the part where I couldn't take it any longer. Angels tapping out 'therapy'? Angel healing? Science finding angels to 'medicate'? These fictional angels are conveniently placed in the equally fictional 'supernatural' realm, where everything goes, even those that violate natural laws. The thing those kooks don't understand is that once they claim that their supernatural entities meddles in human affairs, it becomes a question answerable in the domain of science. The fact that there is no evidence whatsoever of these pesky interferences in human affairs is indeed telling.

My advice to him: What the fuck do you mean by medicinal tapping? I hope your angels give you a few hard whacks on your head so that you would be able to actually think for once. Mere tapping is not enough. Remember to tell this to your angels the next time they decide to notice the good lighting and pay you a visit.

the angels farttwering flutter in my head too, do you sense the futters? open your head.

LULZ!

What is farttwering? Farting while fluttering? Those angels must seriously stink, and I don't think I would like a visit from ~~flying~~ fluttering stink bombs. Open my head? No thanks. I appreciate having my brain in working condition.

My advice to him: Get yourself checked into the nearest psychiatric facility at once.

open your head openly

What the fuck? Is this to ensure that my brains will fall out so that I could become as stupid as you are?

because the futtering angels

Angels farting, futtering, fartwering, fluttering, tapping, stinking.....

Yawn.

tapped to me that science will angelize medicine!!! therapy of angels!!!!! it work for me.

When I first read this, I saw 'fapped' instead of 'tapped' for a second there. I blame /b/, of course.

This kook has quite a flair for inventing hilarious terms. Angelize? Therapy of angels? How is that supposed to work? By tapping? Or farting? Or a combination of farting, futtering, fartwering, fluttering, tapping, stinking and angelizing? This is what this kook claims will replace modern medicine?

BWAHAHAHA!

My advice to him: I seriously hope that you are joking because if you are not, your brain is in deep shit.

For your own sake, get some psychiatric help. NOW.